Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Friday, June 3, 2011

Inappropriate Television Promos?

A friend of mine was watching the tube the other day when an announcement came on for an upcoming movie:
"Watch Ashton Kutcher tame the Wild West in 'TEXAS RANGERS'[1]"
She wondered if she could make it any more ridiculous, and she came up with this:
"Watch The Artist Formerly Known As Prince tame the Wild West in 'TEXAS RANGERS'"
I don't know if I can top that for that movie (maybe with Paris Hilton), but there are other ones that could be equally crazy. How about:
"Next on Bravo: 'Say Yes to the Dress' with special guest host, Chuck Norris"
Or:
"Stay Tuned for the 'Rachel Ray Show' with her guest chef, Alferd Packer"
Any suggestions?
____________________
[1]"Texas Rangers" cost $38,000,000 to make. It was so bad that it was pulled from the theaters after less than three weeks in release (its widest showing was on at most 404 screens) and it made under a million. By percentages, that has to have been one of the biggest flops in movie history. Even Ishtar made back at least 20% of its cost.

9 comments:

Nangleator said...

My Dinner with Andre the Giant.

The Importance of Being Ernest Borgnine

Peter said...

You could make a Christmas movie about Santa's cannibal reindeer, and call it "The Donner (Party) and Blitzen"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus%27s_reindeer

:-)

Nangleator said...

"A Shot in the Dark" starring Pee Wee Herman.

Mule Breath said...

TAFKAP vs. Chuck Norris. I'd pay to see that.

BadTux said...

Movie remake I'd like to see a trailer for:

"Die Hard" starring Richard Simmons.

Anonymous said...

I love " die hard" too.. starring Richard Simmons.

HD Aviators

Spud said...

George W. Bush as Gandhi's adviser

Comrade Misfit said...

"Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid", starring Richard Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne

Joe said...

"Say Yes to the Dress" with Mike Rowe.