Our Master Negotiator

The Strait of Hormuz was an international waterway. No longer, Trump gave it to both Iran and Qatar. A $2 million toll will be charged for each ship transit, enforced by the Iranian military. Iran gets to keep their nuclear material. The Iranian regime remains. Iran gets sanctions relief.

Based on that, it's pretty clear that Trump lost the war. Other than bomb damage and lots of dead people, the Iranians are in a better geopolitical position then they were before the attacks began. America's reputation globally has taken more cracks. Leaders around the world have concluded Trump only cares about what you can do for him now and appeasing him is a fool's game. There's no working with Trump and that's finally sinking in.

We have spent the bodies of our troops and gone though a large part of our smart ordnance and lost some very costly aircraft for what, exactly?

And what is the over and under for us surviving for another thirty-three months of this insanity?

Little Marco's Latest Excuse: "The Jews Made Us Do It."

That's his latest lie du jour:

Israel’s determination to attack Iran and the certainty that US troops would be targeted in response forced the Trump administration to take pre-emptive strikes, the secretary of state, Marco Rubio, said, in a new explanation for Washington’s surprise entry into the conflict.
...
“We knew that there was going to be an Israeli action. We knew that that would precipitate an attack against American forces, and we knew that if we didn’t pre-emptively go after them before they launched those attacks, we would suffer higher casualties.”

So when it comes to American policy in the Middle East, Israel controls what the United States do. That plugs into all of the antisemetic bullshit that Nazis and others have been spewing for well over a century.

Maybe it didn't occur to the Donnie and Marco Show to just say this:

My guess is that Bibi was bluffing. He wasn't going to do a major strike against Iran without our support

But in any event, the stage is being set to blame Israel if/when gas prices spike and this war triggers global economic problems.

For everyone but the Russians, that is, who are going to make bank as oil prices rise. And that may just be a lagniappe for Agent Krasnov.

That Didn't Age Well

"The Peace President". "No More Foreign Wars". All shit bleated by the Orange Sundowner-in-Chief and his acolytes.

But no. Cadet Bone Spurs, the Aged Draft-Dodger, has no problems with sending American kids into wars around the globe. He and his Pithed Secretary of State are yammering about intervening in Columbia, Mexico, Cuba, Iran, Denmark and Lord knows where else.

Between his taste for military action and his destruction of American excellence in science and medicine, he and his MAGA morons are turning America into a shithole nation.

Which may be Pee-Wee German's idea of how to make it so nobody wants to come here. Like Russia, North Korea or Iran.

Trump/Rubio to Tourists: Visit Another Country

Tourists to the United States would have to reveal their social media activity from the last five years, under new Trump administration plans.

The mandatory new disclosures would apply to the 42 countries whose nationals are currently permitted to enter the US without a visa, including longtime US allies Britain, France, Australia, Germany and Japan.

In a notice published on Tuesday, the US Customs and Border Protection agency (CBP) said it would also require any telephone numbers used by visitors over the same period, and any email addresses used in the last decade, as well as face, fingerprint, DNA and iris biometrics. It would also ask for the names, addresses, birthdates and birthplaces of family members, including children.

This is the notice.

My suspicion is that more and more tourists are going to opt to go to a more welcoming country. Which is probably any other country other than Russia, Iran or North Korea.

Baked Alaska Amateur Hour

Idiot Trump staffies made copies of summit schedules and protocol mattrrs in the printer at a hotel in Anchorage.

This is what happens when the only quality necessary to get hired in that shop is loyalty to the Orange-Faced Hair Furor.

Trump Administration and Little Marco Are Nothing But Petty-Ass Pissants

Denying visas to a team of Little-Leaguers is about as petty as it gets.

A Venezuelan Little League baseball team will not be allowed to participate in a championship tournament because the team was denied travel visas to the U.S.

Little League International said on Friday the Cacique Mara Little League team from Maracaibo, Venezuela will not participate in the Senior League Baseball World Series in South Carolina this year, despite qualifying for the tournament, after being unable to obtain visas.

Yeah, that made all sorts of diplomatic and political sense to carry out the Senile Orange Turd's diplomatic war on a bunch of kids. It'll echo around the world as yet another example of how small-minded the Trump Administration is.

Trump Sends His Zampolits to the Smithsonian

Mango Mussolini, who has never been in a museum in his life is so concerned about the Smithsonian.

President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday taking aim at the Smithsonian and its museums, education and research centers.

Trump directed Vice President JD Vance to eliminate “improper, divisive, or anti-American” ideology from programs at the Smithsonian Institution, which receives federal funding.

I have little doubt that he'll close the National Museum of African American History & Culture and order it turned into the Museum of White Power.

And place your bets which Trump EO will come first: One that aims to restore "the natural segregation of the races", or one that "protects American womanhood" by permitting locking women out of most jobs.

Meanwhile, Little Marco basically is saying to people holding green cards: “You have the right to free speech, but we’ll imprison and deport you if you say anything that displeases the Orange Felonious Führer.”

Which is the same level of freedom that they have in North Korea and Russia.

1938 is calling: The Czechoslovakians would like to have a word.

The United States and Russia will appoint high-level teams to negotiate the end of the war in Ukraine and are working to reestablish diplomatic channels, US Secretary of State Marco Rubio said at the end of key talks that excluded Kyiv.

The Ukrainians and the Europeans undoubtedly sense that a massive buttfuck is coming, if Little Marco and the rest of Putin's Poodles get their way.

2016: A Tool of the Oligarchy versus a Genuine Tool

That is, apparently, the choice that we'll have on November 1st.

It's way too early to be hitting the vodka.

Well, the Rubot, the "No-Hit Wonder", finally saw the light and quit:

"While this may not have been the year for a hopeful and optimistic message about our future, I still remain hopeful and optimistic about America," Rubio, 44, told supporters in Miami after his projected loss to Trump.

I don't know what reality he's been living in for the last nine months, but it's not this one. His party is nominating an insult comic with fascist tendencies and he's optimistic? Man, I don't know what drugs Rubio's been taking, but he ought to share them.

Well, Maybe #NeverTrump Has an Outside Chance

According to the AP, The Donald's percentage of delegates isn't going to do it for him, if he keeps winning at the current rate.

While Trump has racked up 10 wins so far, he's won only 46 percent of the delegates awarded since voting began. It takes an outright majority of delegates to win the nomination.

If the Rubot and the Canadien Usurper don't unite,* then unless Trump steps up his game and wins majorities from here on out, it'll be a brokered convention. For after the first vote, all bets are off.
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* Fat chance of that happening.

Why #NeverTrump Will Fail

Because either the Canadien Usurper or the Rubot would have to take one for the team and drop out.

Not going to happen. No politician with the ambition to be President is going to do that. Most of them only get one shot at the job, they know that, and they aren't going to give up a chance at the brass ring for another guy.

None of them are that noble.

And as far as the party establishment goes, Cruz only looks good compared to The Donald.

Reince is probably on his second bottle of whiskey for the night.

Rubio Claims Trump Has a Small Penis

That's the unspoken thrust of this crack:

Marco Rubio escalated his slate of recent attacks on Donald Trump's looks Sunday, telling supporters at an event Sunday night that Trump can't be trusted because he has "small hands."

He was responding to Trump's habit of calling him "Little Marco." And while Rubio freely admitted he's the shorter one of the two, he said he was baffled by the size of Trump's hands.

"He's like 6'2" which is why I don't understand why his hands are the size of someone who is 5'2". Have you seen his hands?" Rubio said during a rally in Roanoke, Virgina. "You know what they say about men with small hands? You can't trust them. You can't trust them."

No, Marco, you little shit, that's not what "they say about men with small hands." The old saying is "small hands, small feet, small penis".

That's your best argument against Trump: A dick-measuring contest?

Marco, you're a stupid little shit. Get someone to upload some new insult programming into your hard drive.

Trump's Endorsements

In increasing order of craziness: Chris Christie, Paul LePage, Jan Brewer and David Duke.

No points for guessing which one The Donald disavowed.

The reality of the situation is that the votes of the certifiable count as much as anyone else's.

On another note, there were rumblings of The Donald's presidential ambitions a quarter-century ago. That article has a lot of really disquieting shit in it about Trump, enough that I wonder what sort of researchers both Rubio and Cruz employ that they haven't mined the gold from it.

And since Cruz employs one of the leading scumbags of American political campaigning, it's a real mystery.

Rubio is Campaigning to Be President of Canada

Stephen Colbert riffed on Rubio's ad that used Canadian stock footage:

Earlier, there was a line about "Presidential candidate and future co-op board treasurer Jeb Bush". The whole bit was pretty funny.

Sen. Rubio is Arguably Clinically Insane

If a definition of insanity is "doing the same thing repeatedly whilehoping for a different outcome", then Rubio is as nutty as a jar of cashews:

Sen. Marco Rubio, R-Fla., said the new U.S. policy would do nothing to address the issues of Cuba's political system and human rights record.

"But it potentially goes a long way in providing the economic lift that the Castro regime needs to become permanent fixtures in Cuba for generations to come," Rubio said.

Riiight. Economic sanctions against Cuba were first imposed in 1960 by President Eisenhower, tightened in 1962 by President Kennedy and tinkered with ever since. Sanctions were first imposed over a decade before Rubio was born.

As a tool/weapon to persuade Cuba towards regime change, they have been an utter failure. But folks like Rubio keep hoping that maybe the 55th year of sanctions might change things.

They're just insane. Time to recognize that and move on, as the President is trying to do.

What the Hell Was This Shit All About?

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

OK, I just found out. It is something that is even more annoying than Gangnam Style: The "Harlem Shake". You can find videos of people performing it,* but you should watch those only if the alternative is something truly horrific, such as doing your taxes by hand or reading the memoirs of Dick the Torturer Cheney.

Elsewhere in humor, here is Conan's take on Rubio's Water-gate (though you'll have to sit through one of the more annoying tax commercials):


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* Or having an epileptic fit. It can be hard to tell the difference.

Spending Other People's Money

Marco Rubio's routine use of a Republican Party of Florida credit card for personal expenses while speaker of the Florida House brought renewed calls Thursday for the party to disclose charges racked up by former and current elected officials. ... Records show the personal expenses included a $134 trip to an upscale Miami barber.

Care to bet that the same folks who were so, so outraged at John Edwards's haircuts will be mum on this one?

I didn't think so.