The Cowards Are Fleeing the Hill

House Speaker Mike Johnson is rebuffing pressure to act on the investigation into Jeffrey Epstein, instead sending members home early for a month-long break from Washington after the week’s legislative agenda was upended by Republican members who are clamoring for a vote.

Johnson, a Republican from Louisiana, said Tuesday morning that he wants to give the White House “space” to release the Epstein information on its own, despite the bipartisan push for legislation that aims to force the release of more documents.

MAGA and QAnon created this monster, which threatens to devour their Orange Godling. So Bible Mike, the World's Most Hypocritical Christian, is trying to give the Lead Clown of Mar-a-Lago time to come up with other distractions.

Meanwhile, they're trying to fix it so Ghislane Maxell both keeps her yap shut about Trump and smears dirt against anyone Trump doesn't like. My guess is that her payoff will be a full pardon no later than the third Tuesday of November in 2026.

Brainworm Bobby Probably Hates This Post; Measles Ed.

Public health experts say there are some adults who should consider getting revaccinated. That includes older adults who were born after 1957 and were vaccinated before 1968.

That's because early versions of the measles vaccine were made from an inactivated (killed) virus, which didn't work particularly well, [Dr. Paul Offit, director of the Vaccine Education Center at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia] says. That's why the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that anyone vaccinated before 1968 get at least one dose of the live attenuated vaccine.

Before the first measles vaccines were developed in the 1960s, nearly everyone got the disease during childhood. So people born before 1957 are assumed to have natural immunity.

Hard to See This as Anything Other Than Trash Removal

The Salisbury man who died Monday after he was shot by two Kannapolis police officers over the weekend was the ‘Pizzagate’ gunman arrested in Washington, D.C., in 2016 after he terrified people with a loaded AR-15 inside a restaurant.

[Pizza Asswipe], the man killed, made national headlines in 2016 when he entered Comet Ping Pong, a pizza restaurant in Washington, D.C., armed with an assault rifle and loaded revolver. He drove from Salisbury to the nation’s capital in search of an alleged child sex ring linked to Hillary Clinton — something he learned about from a fake news story, The Washington Post reported.

Besides whatever warrant he chose to fight it out over, he was also a felon in possession of a firearm and ammunition. he was going to go away for a lot longer.

Shooting it out with the cops never ends well for the clown opting to go down that route. It leads to decades in prison or a grave.

I feel bad for the cops who may have issues from killing this guy, and he probably has a mother who loves him, but no tears that this clown isn't breathing our air anymore.

Handsy Boebert is Running for Dumbest Congressman Alive

In a move that raises eyebrows and questions about her grasp of government structure, Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) recently suggested that former President Donald Trump appoint pro-Trump commentator Dan Bongino to a post she called the "Secretary of Secret Service." The only problem? That job doesn’t exist.

You'd think that Handsy would have been in office long enough to have a basic idea of how Federal agencies are organized.

But you would be wrong. She's dumber than MTG, which heretofore would have seemed to be an impossibility.

Crazier Than a Shithouse Rat on Meth

"Handsy" Boebert:

Colorado's Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert pressed witnesses Wednesday at a UFO hearing on theories she said she's heard about non-human civilizations underwater.
...
"There are rumors that have come up to the Hill of a secretive project within the Department of Defense involving the manipulation of human genetics with what is described as non-human genetic material for the enhancement of human capabilities, hybrids," Boebert said. "Are any of you familiar with that? Yes, or no?"

All of the experts said they were not familiar with that claim. Boebert spent most of her time asking about non-human civilizations in the ocean's depths.

If she likes unsubstantiated rumors, then someone ought to tell her that JD Vance is really one of the lizard people and that's why he got confused and boffed a sofa.

But yes, she's operating with a few fouled spark plugs.

MTG Shows, Once Again, That She is Dumber Than the Average Bag of Hammers

Marjorie Taylor Greene challenges YOU to prove Hurricane Helene wasn’t an inside job.

As the death toll from one of the worst U.S. storms in recent memory topped 200 on Friday morning, the Republican congresswoman and noted conspiracy theorist posted a timely reminder on X that “yes they can control the weather” and that “it’s ridiculous for anyone to lie and say it can’t be done.”

First off, when people like her say "they control" anything, they mean the Jews. Which would track with her past statements about forest fires.

Second, when someone argues a conspiracy theory, it's a pretty good good indication that they have no idea how things really work. Only a four-starred blithering idiot would believe that anyone controls the weather. And that is a good description of both MTG and the people in her district who vote for her.

Good Ol' Crooked Clarence, Plus More!

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas failed to publicly disclose additional travel on GOP megadonor Harlan Crow’s private jet, a top Democratic senator who is backing an election-year push to tighten the high court’s ethics rules said Monday.

Thomas and his wife, Virginia, took a round-trip flight between Hawaii and New Zealand in November 2010, according to international flight records maintained by Customs and Border Protection, Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., wrote.

Crow has a Bombardier Global Express, which costs roughly ten grand an hour to fly. Washington, DC to New Zealand is a 17,000 mile round-trip, which is over 30 hours of flying. So, three hundred grand, give or take, to make that trip. I doubt if Crow's jet has airline-style seating, plus they probably took a relief crew with them. My SWAG is that Crooked Clarence and QAnon Ginny's seats cost around fifty grand, and you can bet your ass that they weren't paying for hotel rooms or food in New Zealand.

But to hear Crooked Clarence and his friends tell it, Crow gets nothing from showering a sitting Supreme Court justice with such favors. In other words, are you going to believe Clarence or your lying eyes?

In other news, big shocker: Goggle is a monopoly. That took a ten-week trial and a 277-page legal opinion to explain what everyone who has used the Internet in the last 20+ years already knows.

Meanwhile, more rats are leaving the SS Trump:

Former President Donald Trump’s campaign attorney Jenna Ellis, who worked closely with Rudy Giuliani, will cooperate with Arizona prosecutors in exchange for charges being dropped against her in a fake electors case, the state attorney general’s office announced Monday.

Ellis has previously pleaded not guilty to fraud, forgery and conspiracy charges in the Arizona case. Seventeen other people charged in the case have pleaded not guilty to the felony charges — including Giuliani, Trump presidential chief of staff Mark Meadows and 11 Republicans who submitted a document to Congress falsely declaring Trump had won Arizona.

Who wants to go to prison for Giuliani? Nobody, I guess.

Trump's 2020 "election integrity" was a massive criminal enterprise in the service of America's wannabee mob boss.

And, finally, there's something really wrong with Baby RFK. He's just not right in the head.

And I am Officially Not Going to Run In the 4x400 Meter Relay Race At the Paris Olympics (Plus More QAnon-Grade Bullshit)

Sen. Joe Manchin (I-W.Va.) on Monday said he would not consider serving as Vice President Harris’s running mate...

Like anyone had any intention at all of asking that treacherous fuckwad to be Harris's running mate.

Unfortunately, I've become aware that there are anacephanics out there who believe that the attempted assassination of the FOFF was a Democratic plot. Which is just evidence of severe retardation on their part.

Think it through. There would have an open convention and the leading candidate to step in would have been Nikki Haley. Haley would have probably wiped the floor with Biden and, given his disasterous debate performance, stepping aside to let Harris run would have looked a lot less noble than it appears to be now. The COFF is probably the most beatable person who was on the GOP's primary stage, other than maybe Vivek Ramaswamy.

Of course, they might have nominated Ol' Shrimp Boots, a man so repulsive that he makes Ted Cruz look human.

So it is a stupid conspiracy thory and the fact that it is the COFF's dain-bramaged sons pushing it only goes to illustrate that point.

Ten to Twenty for Forty-Five

Of the many, many, many annoying things about the FOFF is that he refers to himself by his last name. Does he have to keep saying it so he doesn't forget? Is he that insecure about himself?

Meanwhile, the usual anacephalic trolls and Putinite sock-puppets put on a disgusting display in Congress yesterday. They can't bother to take a look at the sudden profitability of grocery store chains, that CEO pay keeps racing ahead of the rate of inflation. that oil company execs are colluding with OPEC to screw American consumers, no, they can't look into any of that. Because those pirates and financial looters are their campaign contributors.

Too Bad MTG Wasn't On Board as an Observer

Ukraine said it shot down a Russian strategic bomber in combat for the first time since the Kremlin’s invasion began after the aircraft launched a missile strike that left at least nine people dead in the central Dnipro region.

The Tu-22M3 was downed some 300 kilometers (186 miles) from the Ukrainian border after launching missiles, Ukraine’s military intelligence, or GUR, said on its website. It was the first successful hit against this type of bomber since the start of Russia’s invasion, GUR said. Ukraine’s Defense Ministry also confirmed the strike.

She has been busy pulling her pro-Putin tricks to try and screw up helping the Ukrainians fend off the Katsaps. Even some people on the GOP Agitprop Channel have had enough of her.

Kari Lake Admits She Defamed Election Official

Maricopa County Recorder Stephen Richer’s defamation suit against former gubernatorial and current Senate candidate Kari Lake is ending in a default judgment in Richer’s favor and an award of damages to be determined by the court after Lake bowed out of defending the suit Tuesday.

Attorneys for Lake failed to file an answer to Richer’s lawsuit after a motion to dismiss the case failed in the superior and appellate courts. And following a motion for default judgment from Richer, her counsel asked the court to set a hearing to determine facts and damages awarded before entering default judgment in Richer’s favor.

Lake, of course, is publicly saying no such thing and spewing shit about she needs to concentrate on lying her way to the Senate. But the truth of the matter is that she defamed that guy and she's legally admitted it.

Operation Sad Panda Now in Effect

Donald Trump’s lawyers told a New York appellate court Monday that it’s impossible for him to post a bond covering the full amount of a $454 million civil fraud judgment while he appeals, suggesting the former president’s legal losses have put him in a serious cash crunch.

I'd like to know whether or not non-rich folks who can't afford an appeal bond in civil cases get to have the bond waived. I'll hazard a guess that the answer is "no".

Another question: Why can't he take out loans on some of his properties and raise the cash that way? He claimed, in court, that Mar-a-Lago was worth over a billion, so why not use that to float a loan?

The answer to that question is probably two-fold. First, his properties really aren't worth what he thinks they are and none of the lenders are willing to take his word anymore. Second, he's probably already leveraged them to the hilt, so he can't extract any more cash from them.

Meanwhile, he's ranting like the wannabee dictator he thinks he can be. He wants to throw those who investigated his autogolpe into prison. He's promising to free the J6 insurrectionists, including those who assaulted cops.

As an aside, his coup-buddy in Brazil has been indicted for falsifying public data. An indictment for his own coup attempt is likely forthcoming.

He's not the only one ranting like a crazy person. Some loony-tune Republican in North Carolina who is running for statewide office has been calling for people she doesn't like to be executed. Republicans have been infected with a crazy virus.

Don't vote for them. For any office.

Spineless and Carpetbagging Republicans

Nikki Haley tried to say that the Civil War was about "the freedoms that people could and couldn't do". After being lambasted widely for the fact that one of those so-called freedoms was the freedom to own other people and work them to death, she admitted that slavery was one of the causes of the Civil War.

Hey, Haley, it was the cause. That's the issue your home state went to war about. Not stating that the Civil War was about slavery is like trying to explain orbital dynamics without mentioning gravity.

Meanwhile, Lauren Boebert is packing up her carpetbag and moving to another part of Colorado in search of voters who are dumb enough to send her to Congress again. So when the going gets tough, Boebert runs away. Just like Brave Sir Robin.

The MAGA Grift

Members of former Trump aide Michael Flynn’s family pocketed hundreds of thousands of dollars in leftover money from a legal defense fund that was set up for the retired general as he faced a federal investigation over the 2016 election, Flynn’s sister testified in a defamation case involving CNN.

So Flynn and his sister grifted the leftover money (over half a million) and had not problem appealing to QAnon and MAGA nutjobs to give them money, but they felt it was defamatory to be associated with QAnon and MAGA. Even though they willingly participated in some oath-swearing ceremony which included a QAnon slogan, because they were trying to soak the wet-brained for cash.

Seems like a hell of a stretch. Here's a pro tip: If you don't like people saying that you're associated with a nutball extremist group, then try not associating with a nutball extremist group.

Bad News for the TOFF: The Flipping Continues

Lawyer Sidney Powell pleaded guilty to reduced charges Thursday over efforts to overturn Donald Trump’s loss in the 2020 election in Georgia, becoming the second defendant in the sprawling case to reach a deal with prosecutors.

Powell, who was charged alongside Trump and 17 others with violating the state’s anti-racketeering law, entered the plea just a day before jury selection was set to start in her trial. She pleaded guilty to six misdemeanors accusing her of conspiring to intentionally interfere with the performance of election duties.

As part of the deal, she will serve six years of probation, will be fined $6,000 and will have to write an apology letter to Georgia and its residents. She also agreed to testify truthfully against her co-defendants at future trials.

That seems like a pretty sweet deal. The implication I draw is that she has some testimony that is well worth the deal. And possibly, with misdemeanors only, she'll not be disbarred. As far as I recall, she's licensed in Texas, which probably requires either a homicide conviction for killing a white person or theft of client's funds for a disbarment.

The reaction in the MAGA Universe should be epic.

As for the rest of us, schadenfreude is the beverage tonight.

The GOP Kongressional Klown Kar Keeps Klowning

They stll can't choose a Speaker. Despite all the shit going on, they remain in a state of chaos after Pedo Gaetz's hissy fit of last week.

How Does It Profit a Man's Soul to Appease the Crazies? or, Pass the Popcorn, Please. This is Going to Get Interesting.

It didn't for now-former Speaker McCarthy.

Speaker Kevin McCarthy was voted out of the job Tuesday in an extraordinary showdown, a first in U.S. history, The 216-210 vote, forced by a contingent of hard-right conservatives, throws the House and its Republican leadership into chaos.

McCarthy’s chief rival, Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida, brought forward the “motion to vacate” drawing together more than a handful of conservative Republican critics of the speaker and many Democrats who say he is unworthy of leadership.

Next steps are uncertain, but there is no obvious successor to lead the House Republican majority.

It's not kosher to blame the opposition party for any of this. The Speaker is the leader of the majority and it's up to the Republicans to get their shit together. And given McCarthy's total kowtowing to the MAGA faction, including agreeing to their fact-free impeachment inquiry, there was no realistic reason for the Democrats to do anything to save his ass.

Question now: Who would be crazy enough to take that job? Even if they find someone who is enough of an appeasement monkey to satisfy Pedo Matt and the other crazies, there are less-crazy Republicans who might not go along with it. Hell, five of them could put in Hakim Jeffries and really stick a spike in Pedo-Boy's eye.

Pedo Boy's machinations are going to play hob with the financial markets and with the national credit rating. He may have kicked the country into a recession.

As I said before, if your Congressional Rep. is a Republican and you voted for him or her, this is on you. You elected a bunch of clowns and they brought a circus.

Also, the TOFF isn't going to be happy that this drama is going to bump him off being the lead story, so look for him to jet back to his lair and let his lawyers handle his "going out of business" trial. Especially since he just got slapped by the judge.

OK, But Only If We Can Also Shoot People Defrauding Banks

There is, evidently, no honor among thieves.

In an occasionally dark and profane speech, Donald Trump on Friday sought to win over Republicans in California by complaining that rich people in Beverly Hills smell bad because they’re denied water, reiterating lies about widespread election fraud and calling on police to shoot people robbing stores.
...
“We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store,” he said, drawing loud applause. “Shot!” he added for emphasis.

Says the guy who has been running a business empire based on fraud for many decades. It's pretty interesting that the TOFF keeps advocating using violence, given that his only track record in that regard is beating up women who don't want to have sex with him.

And you can bet your morning coffee that a good third of the rich Republicans listing to his speech are essentially unindicted (or indicted) financial-crime felons.

The Dumbest Man in the Senate Keeps Running His Mouth

Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.) said Monday he did not think Ukraine could win the war against Russia and compared Ukraine’s efforts to a junior high team trying to defeat a college team in a hypothetical sports match.

In an interview with Fox News’s Laura Ingraham on Monday night, Tuberville touted his record voting against funding for Ukraine and said that, while he supported the country’s efforts over Russia, he thought Ukraine was outmatched and that no amount of funding would change that.

Right. He's for Ukraine, but he won't do anything to help. That means that, in effect, he supports Russia.

He really should file a trademark application for "The Dumbest Man in the Senate", only because "Mr. Potato Head" is already taken. If Tuberville was smarter, I'd wonder what Putin has on him, or what he's getting out of screwing with our nation's defense as he has been doing. But he's probably too thick in the head to be anything but a useful idiot for the Russians.

The Wheels Grind On

Michigan’s attorney general filed felony charges Tuesday against 16 Republicans who acted as fake electors for then-President Donald Trump in 2020, accusing them of submitting false certificates that confirmed they were legitimate electors despite Joe Biden’s victory in the state.

Attorney General Dana Nessel, a Democrat, announced Tuesday that all 16 people would face eight criminal charges, including forgery and conspiracy to commit election forgery. The top charges carry a maximum penalty of 14 years in prison.

The group includes the head of the Republican National Committee’s chapter in Michigan, Kathy Berden, as well as the former co-chair of the Michigan Republican Party, Meshawn Maddock, and Shelby Township Clerk Stan Grot.

Obviously, all are allegations until a trial is held. But if, and I do mean if, these people are convicted, they should all serve consecutive sentences. Because they tried to fraudulenty steal the election for their Orange Master, none of them can be classified as being loyal to this country.

Meanwhile, another one of the members of the Cult of the Orange God has been convicted for participating in the TOFF's Insurrection.

A Pennsylvania woman who used a bullhorn to direct rioters attacking the U.S. Capitol was convicted on Tuesday of charges that she joined the mob in an attempt to keep President Joe Biden out of the White House.

U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth heard testimony without a jury before he convicted Rachel Marie Powell of felony charges stemming from the Jan. 6, 2021, siege. Powell, who was convicted of all nine counts in her indictment, is scheduled to be sentenced on Oct. 17, according to court records.

One of the TOFF's "very fine people" has been arrested for participating in the Trumpist Coup Attempt.

A man who served a prison term for joining torch-toting white nationalists in marching through the University of Virginia’s campus in 2017 has been arrested on charges that he stormed the U.S. Capitol and attacked police officers.

Tyler Bradley Dykes, 25, of Bluffton, South Carolina, was arrested in Charlottesville, Virginia, and made his initial court appearance on Monday, according to court records. A federal judge ordered Dykes held in custody until a detention hearing on Wednesday.

Videos captured Dykes tearing down police barriers, attacking officers outside the Capitol and stealing a riot shield during a mob’s attack on Jan. 6, 2021, an FBI affidavit says.

But while that asswipe is being held in custody until a detention hearing, you can bet your farm that the thug who set all of this into motion won't be held for a millisecond in a jail cell after being indicted and until he's tried for his coup attempt.