The Tie Between the Corporate Pirate and the Homophobic Bigot

Frothy the Talibanista and Mittens the Raider pretty much tied the Iowa caucuses. The Cranky Old Racist came in a close third. And Governor Goodhair, who came in fifth, is going to go home to Texas to lick his wounds and decide what to do next.

The big mystery, to me, is Newtie. I have no idea where he got the delusion that he could run a "positive" campaign and not respond in kind to the mud-slinging by Mitten's proxy-PAC. Newtie's done plenty of negative shit-tossing in his time, especially his campaign to mount a coup against a sitting president. It's become obvious over the last twelve-plus years that you can't let a campaign of slander and innuendo go unanswered; somebody has to climb down into the sewer and do battle.

Now here is another point: Republicans are big on the idea that in elections to bring in unions, a win is a majority of all eligible voters, not just all voters. So if we apply that rule to the Iowa caucuses, this is the rough result:

None of them: 80%
Mittens: 5%
Frothy: 5%
Cranky Old Racist: 4%.

(Cartoon source)

And more:

DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report) – Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was overjoyed today after finishing the Iowa caucuses in a virtual tie with a walking joke who wears sweater vests.

“The eight people have spoken!” exclaimed Mr. Romney, who was joined by supporters celebrating his .0006% margin of victory.