Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

"Flying the Airplane is More Important than Radioing Your Plight to a Person on the Ground
Who is Incapable of Understanding or Doing Anything About It." -- Unknown

“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level
and then beat you with experience.” -- Mark Twain

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"Let’s eat all of these people!” — Venom

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Everyone Considered Him the Moron of Butler County

Officials in Butler County, Ohio have indicted a famous groundhog for the rash of cold winter-type weather we've been having.

The indictment, filed by Butler County Prosecuting Attorney Michael Gmoser, alleges that on or about February 02, 2013, at Gobbler's Knob, Punxsutawney Phil did purposely, and with prior calculation and design, cause the people to believe that Spring would come early.
Gmoser, hereinafter referred to as "Asshat", should be pilloried outside of the county courthouse. Piles of rotten fruit and broken-up cinderblocks ought to to be placed behind him, with the citizenry encouraged to make free use of them.

This little episode illustrates the power of overly zealous prosecutors like Asshat to ruin people's lives. And they do, for if they look hard enough, they can charge anybody they want to with something. Here, Asshat even dreamed up his own charge to bring, so he can get his name in the papers.

What he should get is his name in an ethics complaint for abuse of office.

I find nothing funny about this.


D. said...

Is it wrong of me to suspect that he is a Republican?

(Not to mention that if the judge has two neurons to rub together she or he will throw the case out faster than we can say "dismissed!")

Anonymous said...

I could have sworn I read this story on the Onion. Just looked it up... I did. When did they start reporting actual news?


Eck! said...

I believe its indicative of our current feeling on tort law.

That and it was reported on the TeeVee nets. I refust to call them networks as they don't do the work!


The New York Crank said...

I would worry about the Amanda Knox prosecution (and the Italian legal system) before I worry about this, whether it's real Pennsylvania publicity hounding or just a bowl of onion soup.

The Italian motto seems to be, guilty until proven guilty, and if not proven guilty, keep re-proving until she is guilty.

Very Crankily Yours,
The New York Cank

The New York Crank said...

Uh, that would be "NEw York Crank". My index finger missed the R because it was momentarily on the pulse of Italy. O, nevermind.

Comrade Misfit said...

Italy is, by far, not the only country where guilt is presumed at trial. If I remember correctly, France is one (where the Italians got their flag design), not to mention Mexico, Japan. In this country, the presumption of guilt seems to fall on racial/ethnic minorities and anyone who is declared guilty by the vultures in the media, led by their Harpy Highness, Nancy Grace.