United Airlines will become the first big U.S. airline to limit low-fare customers to one carry-on bag that fits under a seat, and will defer delivery of dozens of planes from Boeing as part of a push to boost profits.This story, from the Onion, is getting uncomfortably close to reality:
The announcement on Tuesday could frustrate flyers who already feel burdened with airline travel restrictions and fees.
United, the No. 3 U.S. airline by passengers carried, said customers who bought its cheapest fares would not be assigned seats until the day of departure, meaning people on the same ticket may be split apart.
United will also prohibit these travelers from carrying on bags that can only fit in overhead bins, and they will not accrue miles toward elite status.
In its ongoing effort to cut transportation costs and boost profits, United Airlines announced Tuesday that it was exploring the feasibility of herding them into planes and stacking them like cordwood from floor to ceiling.Decades ago, airline travelers looked down on Southwest as being a crap-ass airline with "cattle-call" boarding.
"Research shows that we lose millions of dollars each month by having them all sit upright in individual seats for the duration of the flight," said CEO Glenn F. Tilton, speaking to reporters at United Airlines' corporate headquarters. "However, if we were to remove these seats, we could just sort of stack them all in there, one by one, as they file into the plane."
But nowadays, compared to United, SWA is a class act.
4 comments:
I used to hate SouthWest. Now it's just about all that I fly.
Southwest may have been informal, but they were always classy.
On a purely selfish note, the more the airlines charge for baggage fees, for food, assigned seats, etc., the easier it is to convince the wife that flying with me makes more economic sense. Granted, the flight to Houston to Detroit would take about 5 hours longer than the airlines, but at least there's no TSA drones to deal with.
United lost my family when we were going to Hawaii for my Nephew and (soon to be) Niece-in-law's wedding. Arrived in LA to change planes on to Hawaii, only to be told the flight was overbooked, and they could get us in another flight around 11 am the following day.
They offered a voucher for future use due to the 'inconvenience'. Yeah, how about covering the first night at where we were staying in Hawaii, bump us up to first class on that morning plane, and cover all the expenses of being stuck in LA overnight without our luggage (which somehow had no problem getting onboard)? Yeah, didn't think so. Was able to get on another airline later that day, and swore that United would never get our business again. Deregulation worked out so well for the airlines (along with bailouts).
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