Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

An Act

Section 1. This act shall be known as the Identity Theft Protection Act of 2008.

Section 2. This Act shall apply to all individuals who perpetrate identity theft and those individuals who are the victims of identity theft.

Section 3. For the purposes of this Act, "identity theft" is defined as the use of an identity of another person for the purposes of (i) fraudulent impersonation; (ii) to purchase items in the victim's name; (iii) to hire or pay for any other services in the victim's name; (iv) any use of any credit card or other financial instrument in the victim's name; (v) entering into contracts using the victim's name with intent to defraud the other party and/or the victim.

Section 4. It shall be an affirmative defense under the laws of these United States or any State or other jurisdiction within to the charge of murder, manslaughter or the attempt thereof, that the victim of any such violent crime perpetrated an act of identity theft upon the individual charged with such violent crime. This affirmative defense shall be proven by clear and convincing evidence. Proof of such affirmative defense shall be a total and absolute bar to any conviction.

Section 5. Upon the proof required in Section 4 hereof, all other related charges, including but not limited to charges of illegal weapons possession, discharge of weapons, shall be dismissed with prejudice.

Section 6. Any person who kills an identity thief pursuant to the terms and conditions of this act shall be given a ticker-tape parade and the opportunity to throw out the first pitch of the season at a major league baseball game.

Section 7. This Act shall take effect immediately.

2 comments:

BobG said...

Hell, that would amount to a license to shoot illegals on sight. Little extreme, in my book.


Word verification: lakbutz

Sounds like an anorexic fashion model.

Comrade Misfit said...

Well, no. You'd have to be the direct victim of an identity theft perpetrated by the person you shot in order to use this act to beat a murder rap.