Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I Might Move to Texas

This morning, I went to go to Ye Olde Salte Mine. I opened the door to my car and got a whiff of tobacco smoke. "That's strange," I thought. I got into the car and the smell was a lot stronger.

I don't smoke. Nobody else drives my car.

It was raining last night. I live in a small apartment complex, there is really never any trouble, so I have fallen out of the habit of locking my car. I hadn't locked it when I came home.

It didn't take CSI Duluth to figure this one out. It had been raining. Some kid probably sneaked out of his or her apartment to walk the dog and, as it was raining, looked for a dry place to light up a coffin nail. My car was parked right next to the sidewalk alongside the parking lot, so the kid used my car as a smoking shelter. I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side and sure enough, there was a cigarette butt on the blacktop right by the car's door.

I drove to work with the windows cracked open. Once I arrived, I used the office can of air freshener to spray down the interior of my car. By the time I was ready to go home, the inside of the car smelled all right.

Do they let you shoot people who do that in Texas?


BobG said...

That was obnoxious; when I was smoking I wouldn't have even considered doing that.

BadTux said...

In Texas, if you'd left the doors unlocked, you would have come back to find that you had no seats, no radio, no steering wheel, and your car was up on blocks with the tires all gone.

And no, you can't shoot someone for smoking in your car in Texas, unless they're Mexican. Then it's a $1,000 fine and six months probation for negligent discharge of a firearm. (No joke, alas, some old fart shot a Mexican in the back as the Mexican was walking away from him on a public highway and that was the penalty).

- Badtux the Former Texan Penguin