Words of Advice:

"Never Feel Sorry For Anyone Who Owns an Airplane."-- Tina Marie

If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

Flying the Airplane is More Important than Radioing Your Plight to a Person on the Ground
Who is Incapable of Understanding or Doing Anything About It.
" -- Unknown

"There seems to be almost no problem that Congress cannot, by diligent efforts and careful legislative drafting, make ten times worse." -- Me

"What the hell is an `Aluminum Falcon'?" -- Emperor Palpatine

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

Monday, July 17, 2017

A Paltry Joke or Three

A few days after her beloved husband disappeared fishing, a woman in Lubec, Maine answered her door to find two grim-faced Fish and Game officers.

"We're sorry, Ma'am, but we have some information about your husband."

"Did you find him?"

One officer said: "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news!"

Fearing the worst, she said: "Give me the bad news first."

The officer said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but this morning we found your husband's body just offshore."

"What could possibly be the good news?"

The officer continued: "When we pulled him up, he had 15 of the best looking lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to him. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 60's, and we feel you are entitled to a share of the catch."

Stunned, but thinking of fresh boiled lobsters, she asked: "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The officer replied: "We're gonna pull him up again tomorrow."
A Russian spy, a con artist and a billionaire walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said: "Good evening, Mr. President."
How may pallbearers are there at a Mob funeral?

One, to close the trunk lid.

1 comment:

Stewart Dean said...

The first is a Bert & I joke

A lobsterman's wife -- in some versions his mother-in-law -- falls overboard from his boat in rough seas, and her body washes up on shore weeks later, with a dozen lobsters attached. In discussing disposition of the remains, a fellow fisherman says that in view of the high price of lobster and the poor state of the economy, he would ''set her again."