Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Better Make Sure They're Alive!

Let's say that you're driving down a road and you see an accident. One of the cars involves is showing signs of catching fire. There's a person in the car, who isn't responsive.

If you are in Illinois, before you try to putt the victim from the burning car, you'd better be sure that the victim is still alive. For if they're dead, you're about to commit a felony.
Spurred by cases in which bodies of overdose victims were moved to thwart investigations, Illinois state Rep. Dan Beiser, D-Alton, is sponsoring a bill to make unauthorized movement of a corpse a felony.
No mention of an exemption for good Samaritans, so unless you want to run the risk of spending seven years down the cellblock from a former governor of the state, let them burn.

Also in the bill is a provision that criminalizes necrophilia, which probably will spark some outrage from traditionalists like Frothy.

2 comments:

Nangleator said...

My defense would rest on the notion that I'm incapable, legally, of declaring someone dead. If ignorance (of deadness, which very few of us are qualified to determine) is no excuse, then the jobs of taxi driver, bus driver, pilot, train conductor, etc. will become impossible, except by authorized people. Doctors. Every vehicle must only have the driver in it, unless that driver is a doctor or medical examiner.

BadTux said...

And WTF is the guy's problem with drug overdose victims anyhow? Who cares if they're moved or not? It's not as if there's any mystery what they died of, and they aren't going to get any more deader if they get moved. Yeah, I'm sure the cops wish dead crackheads didn't get moved out of the crack house after OD'ing, the reek of dead crackhead would go a long way to helpin' cops ID crack houses (or they could go back to community policing and have the cop walking the beat simply ask any kid on the street which house is the crack house, but they have so much fun ganging up and electrocuting and/or beating people up for being diabetic or autistic or whatever that it's hard to see how that could happen) but how exactly is this law going to stop that from happening?

Nangleator, I think this depends on the meanings of the word "moving". According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, a person who is in a taxi, bus, plane, or train is not moving relative to their frame of reference. Thus if they entered the taxi, bus, plane, or train while still alive, they weren't moved after dying as long as they're still in the same seat they entered while alive. Oh wait, I'm talking about scientific definitions here, not legal definitions, which have nothing to do with real life but everything to do with an imaginary world created by lawmakers and legal scholars, where every word means something different than in, like, actual reality. My bad! I'll go back to my iceberg now...