Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Friday, January 3, 2020

Wait, What?? Talkies Ed.

Adam Sandler could win an Oscar for Uncut Gems.

My reaction: Really? Really??

Yes, I know that the movie has scored 92% on Rotten Tomatoes, but that would seem to indicate that the critics are operating in hive mind mode.

I saw the movie yesterday. Or, to be frank, about forty minutes of it. We (I went with a friend) walked out. There was nothing at all that was engaging about the movie. Every character in the movie, including Howard Ratner, the protagonist played by Sandler, was a shitbird. Ratner was a jeweler/gambler who was making more and more intricate bets to try and get out from owing a lot of money to some very bad people who have poor impulse control. There was something involving a chunk of rock containing rare opals that was smuggled out of Ethiopia in a box of dead fish.

(Pro tip to Customs: If someone is sending a styrofoam cooler of dead fish to the address of a jeweler in the diamond district of NYC, there is a good chance that there is more in the box than dead fish.)

So no, I don't know how the movie ended. I don't know whether Ratner managed to place a great bet that enabled him to pay off the bad guys or if he ended up dead in the trunk of a stolen car.

Nor do I care.

Sandler's Oscar buzz seems to be of the "lookie here, a comedian can act" sort. The movie sucked. It should be nominated for a Razzie.

3 comments:

Deadstick said...

Since my movie watching evolved from theaters to Netflix, there's been a sharp increase in movies that I never see the end of. All I have to do is spin my chair around, go on the computer, and SWMBO's fun is uninterrupted.

Tod Germanica said...

The forced 45 minute viewing at high decibel of trailers for flicks I will never watch ("If You watch just one film this year make it Uncut Gems!"-I am that guy.) It makes me vow yet again, "never go to the movies".
Sandler attempting to be serious is a good thing became he's always deeply unfunny when attempting comedy. Sandler and his deeply unfunny ratpack comedians like David Spade always seem to be having lots o' fun though even if the viewer is not. Every one of his movies is a dull sausage party of unfunny boy-men comics. But like in every Melissa McCarthy movie he always sucker punches somebody in the nuts eventually so you have that bit of hilarity to look forward to.

Comrade Misfit said...

Tod, they only had about ten minutes of trailers, so it wasn't too hateful.