Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Curmudgeon

OK, I am getting to the point that the next person who says "brick and mortar" to me, in reference to a store that is in a physical structure, is liable to be whacked in a sensitive anatomical spot of my choosing.

I propose:

"Store": A place that you can walk into (or drive up to) in order to buy shit.

"Website": A place on the Intertubes where you might be able to buy shit.

When you "go to the store", you're going to a three-dimensional location where you can pick up merchandise, talk to sales clerks, and hopefully not get shot at by robbers.

When you "shop online", you're going to a website that may sell you good stuff cheap, or they may take you money and vacuum out your bank accounts, because you were stupid enough to use a debit card to buy crap from some fake site that was put up by Lithuanian scam artists.

The difference in reality is that if the store screws with you, you can have a process server show up and serve a summons on the manager to haul his dead ass into court. Or you can just go stomp him (but that isn't advised). If the website screws you, well, good luck with that, Bucko.

3 comments:

Robert Fowler said...

I understand. I'm getting a bit tired of that too.

Phil said...

Have you noticed a very strong urge to yell at every little punk you see to stay off your lawn lately?

Do you find yourself cursing at perfect strangers while driving in your car because of their perceived lack of skill in operating a motor vehicle?

Have the urge to slap the taste out of the mouth of that stupid twit in front of you at the supermarket yakking into her cell phone and not paying attention to what is going on?

Welcome to my world honey.
Just remember that we are the fastest growing demographic in the country and that the gentrification of the Boomers is just starting in earnest.
We are going to re define the word curmudgeon.

Glad to have you along.

Comrade Misfit said...

Phil, yest to #2.