Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

"Mobs Do Not Rush Across Town to Do Good Deeds." -- James Lee Burke

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys underground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"Let’s eat all of these people!” — Venom

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Officer Eddie Haskell, R.I.P.

Ken Osmond, the Leave It to Beaver actor known for his convincing portrayal of the weaselly Eddie Haskell on two iterations of the classic TV comedy, has died, according to his son Eric. He was 76. No further details were given.
He had a life after the show:
Osmond worked as a helicopter pilot and studio propmaker before joining the LAPD, bulking up on milk shakes and bananas to make the minimum weight to qualify for the job. (He said he wore a mustache so people wouldn't recognize him from TV.)

In 1980, he and his partner were on motorcycle patrol for drunken drivers when they came upon a stolen taxi driven by Albert Cunningham. Following a crash and a chase on foot, Cunningham shot Osmond; his bulletproof vest stopped two bullets, and a third was deflected by his belt buckle.
With the mustache, Osmond looked a lot like a certain famous porn star. That caused its own set of problems:
Due to his startling resemblance to legendary porn star John Holmes, a rumor started that Ken was actually Holmes and had quit the porn business to become an L.A. cop (supposedly, his superiors in the LAPD weren't entirely convinced that he actually wasn't Holmes, and he was called in by the Internal Affairs division to "prove" his identity. Holmes was renowned for the size of his male member, and Osmond stated that he settled once and for all the rumors that he was Holmes by a "visual aids" demonstration).
Can you imagine the stories about when Osmond got to wave his dick at those pricks in IA?

Being a motor cop back in the day was seriously macho. R.I.P., Officer Osmond.

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