Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Friday, January 11, 2008

Medicating the 4-Legged Buzz Saw

So this is how it goes each morning:

Step 1) Prep syringe with liquid antibiotics (1/2cc).

Step 2) Don leather gloves.

Step 3) Pick up the cat.

Step 4) Take cat to kitchen.

Step 5) Wrap cat in bath towel.

Step 6) Kneel on floor, knees apart, feet together. Place cat between legs.

Step 7) Open cat's mouth.

Step 8) Squirt in medicine.

Somewhere between steps 4 and 5, the cat becomes uncooperative. Somewhere between #5 and #6, the cat goes into "4-armed switchblade-toting windmill" mode. He tries to squirm back to pull his head back into the towel like a turtle. Numerous sound effects (whining and growling from cat, cursing from me) are emitted. Between #6 and #7, the cat is in full "I'm getting outta here" mode, as I try to hold him down and keep the towel from becoming unraveled.

He sometimes gets a front paw loose and whacks at my hand, but because I've both clipped his claws recently and I'm wearing gloves, that has no effect. That's a good thing, as I neither need more scars nor a trip to the ER to sew up a gash ("I was trying to medicate my cat, Doc").

I pry open his jaws, he twists his head hard, so he gets his head out of my hand. Somewhere in the process, a millisecond passes where his jaws are open and the syringe is in place, and that's when I squirt in the medicine.

That's when I let him go and he runs into the bedroom to hide. And I go get ready for work.

4 comments:

Phil said...

I hate to laugh too hard because I have been there, wait, thats WHY I'm laughing, it ain't just me!
There is a story/joke out there somewhere about this from the cat's viewpoint. If I ever find it I'll forward it to you because it's hilarious.
Good luck, Doctor.

Weez said...

Here ya go!
http://www.pawsperouspets.com/humor/catpill.shtml

Phil said...

Thats the one!

Phil said...

Not exactly from the cats view but still funny as hell.