Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck, A/K/A Dolt-45,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset., A/K/A P01135809

Thursday, September 27, 2007

How to Almost Kill Yourself in an Airplane

This story took place a long time ago. There are soldiers in Iraq who were not at the “baby can hold his head up” stage when this happened. So I think we are well past any statute of limitations.

A friend and I flew a Cessna to an airport in a touristy area. It took about 90 minutes or so to get there. Clear sky all around, except for one thunderstorm waay off in the distance. We arrived at the airport, I tied the Cessna down and we took a cab into town. We strolled around, looked at all of the cheap crap for sale at tourist prices and then had lunch. It was a nice lunch.

We came out of the restaurant and heard a “boom” off in the distance.

Friend: “Think it’s coming this way?”

Me: “Yeah, I think so.”

Friend: “Think we ought to go?”

Me: “Yep.”

So we hailed a taxi and hightailed it back to the airport. We trotted out onto the ramp and beat feet to the airplane. We got passed by an elderly couple on knock-down bikes. I figured we’d beat them to the punch as they’d have to disassemble and secure the bikes,

As we got to the Cessna, I looked out towards the town and sure enough, that damn thunderstorm, probably the only one in 200 miles, was drawing a bead on the airport. I abbreviated the pre-flight to the essential items: No fluids dripping: Check. Tiedown ropes untied and clear: Check. We hopped in, I started the engine, I got the ATIS and then called for and received clearance to taxi to the runway.

This airport had a runway that was about 5,000' long. As I was taxiing to the far end, Ground Control radioed me and said the winds had shifted and that if I wanted to do an intersection takeoff, I could turn right there, 3,000' available. I said I’d take it. I checked the oil pressure, skipped the mag check, put in a notch of flaps and called the Tower that I was ready. Tower said “clear to takeoff” and we did.

About 50 feet above the ground, we flew into the rain and even above that Lycoming 4-banger at full power, it was loud. I couldn’t see ahead, but I could see to the side and down. I lowered the nose to get more airspeed, retracted the flaps and immediately began a left-hand 180 degree turn. We flew back out of the rain and I began climbing out.

I keyed the mike and said: “Well, that was fun.”

The controlled replied: “We lost sight of you, I think my heart stopped.”

I said: “Yours wasn’t the only one.”

I looked back over my shoulder and saw a Piper Malibu, sitting at the same intersection I had departed from, its engine running and being hammered by the rain.

As you probably guessed, the reason the wind shifted was because the thunderstorm got close enough that its winds took over.

And as for my friend, I didn’t hear a peep, not a comment or a gasp or a blood-curdling scream. I asked why and got this answer: “I thought you had enough to do without listening to me. And don’t ever do that to me again.”

3 comments:

BadTux said...

Mammoth Lakes? (Only touristy area I can think of that has a runway that long).

Comrade Misfit said...

No, wrong airport.

BadTux said...

Hmm. Yeah, just checked AirNav and Mammoth Lakes is 7,000 ft long, not 5,000. Oh well, I knew it was fairly long by bush airport standards, just not THAT long :-).