Truth in Humor

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An unknown person attempted to scrawl the words “total authority” on the United States Constitution with a Sharpie, the National Archives reported on Tuesday.

A security guard spotted the attempted vandalism on Tuesday morning, when he noticed “something weird” on the glass case protecting the priceless historical document.

“Someone had written the words in big block letters,” the security guard said. “Plus, both ‘total’ and ‘authority’ were misspelled.”