Four days on, I can report that the day afterwards was not a good one. I tried to spend the day out of my home, doing other things. Only broke down into a puddle three times. Sunday was better, only got choked up at the grocery store when I passed by the pet-supply section.
This morning, as part of my "get ready to go to work" routine, I took four steps towards the utility room out of habit, before I remembered that there is no litter box to scoop.
Jake's death was on a par with losing George. Gracie's passing was the hardest, because she was my favorite and it was so sudden. I knew that Jake's health was declining. He was in the process of checking out; I only made it happen for him with less discomfort.
I've been trying not to second-guess things and wonder if possibly I should have shown him over the Bridge a few weeks earlier. But that way lies madness, for my conscience is clear that I did the best that I could with the information that I had at each step.
But damn, I miss him.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
We had a great tom named Boris (his sister was Natasha). He came down with something (vet couldn't identify what) that kept him from eating. I got baby food for him, and we did everything we could. But finally it was time.
I look back every now and then and wonder if we should have done it sooner. There wasn't much left of him by the end, but he was him. He sure liked me to scoop him up and put him on the bed with me, even at the end. I hope it was like that with Jake.
Jake was Jake to the very end. I have a nice set of pet stairs that I put at the end of the bed so he could walk up them without having to jump. (I also had footstools by the couch and his favorite chair, for the same reason.)
I am totally with you... we lost our dog Pepper back in 2003 after having her for 17 years, and we are still ambivalent about getting another pooch. I occasionally see her in the corner of my eye sometimes, snoozing on a sunny spot in the living room or pretending to hide from me behind a door when I get home from work. It ain't easy, but the indelible and amazing memories of having her in our lives for so many years really does dull the pain of her loss. Hang tough!
Don't second guess yourself, Jake had a wonderful friend in you. He had a long and pampered life any cat would be lucky to have had such a caring friend. They sure leave a big hole in the world for such small animals, but their hearts are huge.
When I had to give the last gift to my cat Mugger, I did lose it at the vet's office, lost it bad enough to give myself a nosebleed. But I managed to pull it together, mostly--even when I had to pick up his ashes. But then, I got the sympathy card from the vet, with Mugger's footprint on the cover.
I have never cried so hard in my life, not even when people around me died. Like Oblio said, occasionally I still see him out of the corner of my eye, lounging on a windowsill.
That was 4 years ago, and I still miss him and always will. But a year after he died, I got a call from a rescuer saying she had a cat she thought I'd like. And she was right--I love the new cat (Korben Dallas) as much as I loved Mugger, but in a very different way.
Keep moving forward, Comrade. And someday you will find another cat walking beside you.
Post a Comment