Seen on the street in Kyiv.

Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

“The Mob takes the Fifth. If you’re innocent, why are you taking the Fifth Amendment?” -- The TOFF *

"Foreign Relations Boil Down to Two Things: Talking With People or Killing Them." -- Unknown

“Speed is a poor substitute for accuracy.” -- Real, no-shit, fortune from a fortune cookie

"Thou Shalt Get Sidetracked by Bullshit, Every Goddamned Time." -- The Ghoul

"If you believe that you are talking to G-d, you can justify anything.” — my Dad

"Colt .45s; putting bad guys in the ground since 1873." -- Unknown

"Stay Strapped or Get Clapped." -- probably not Mr. Rogers

"The Dildo of Karma rarely comes lubed." -- Unknown

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

* "TOFF" = Treasonous Orange Fat Fuck,
"FOFF" = Felonious Old Fat Fuck,
"COFF" = Convicted Old Felonious Fool,
A/K/A Commandante (or Cadet) Bone Spurs,
A/K/A El Caudillo de Mar-a-Lago, A/K/A the Asset,
A/K/A P01135809, A/K/A Dementia Donnie, A/K/A Felon^34,
A/K/A Dolt-45, A/K/A Don Snoreleone

Friday, September 1, 2017

Post Warning

Do not listen to these unless you are certain that you will not plunge knitting needles into your eardrums.

You have been warned.

With little further ado, here is Leonard Nimoy, singing:



Jack Webb didn't even try:


What brought this on was reading some old Dave Barry columns about the worst songs ever recorded. Over 10,000 readers responded, back in the day when that had to be done by mail. Which meant they all found postcards and mailed them in.

Some of the names that people came up with were hilarious. My favorite misquoted title was "Ain't No Woman Like the One-Eyed Gott."

The worst song, for both music and lyrics, was "MacArthur Park":


What difference did it made whether or not the pants being ironed were "stri-ped"? I don't know how much acid one has to drop in order for the chorus to make any sense.
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh no!
But I'll bet that it was a considerable amount.

Runner-up was "Yummy Yummy Yummy". Second runner-up "Having My Baby".

A song that I despise didn't even make it into the final column.

Anyway, "The One-Eyed Gott" seems to be a natural for a comic book series or even a movie. (I want royalties, if you do it.)

10 comments:

Marc said...

There was a series of books for mis-heard lyrics. One of my favorite was “when a Man loves a walnut“.

Tod Germanica said...

Steve Miller's hit 'Fly Like a Negro'; Credence Clearwater's 'There's a Bathroom on the Right'; Jimmie Hendrix's lyric 'scuse me while I kiss this guy'.

Ten Bears said...

1910 Fruit Gum Company. Take more than needles

dinthebeast said...

Steve Miller Band:
Slime keeps on drippin' drippin' drippin'
Out of my sutures...

-Doug in Oakland

Victor said...

"I'm a Pool Hall Ace,"by The Police.

I heard some guy enthusiastically sing this in a bar one late night way back when, and beer shot 'out my' nose, I laughed so hard!
Man, I still remember how horrible a feeling it is to have suds of beer gush out of your proboscis!

gray fox said...

Ah, but Maynard Ferguson redeemed "MacArthur Park" utterly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ova0NyHbGKA

3383 said...

Comrade, what did we do to you?

Sam240 said...

That's not the whole story with "MacArthur Park."

Dave Barry wrote, "What I think really put 'MacArthur Park' over the top on the Bad Song Survey Hostile-O-Meter is the fact that in 1978, just when it had started to fade from the national consciousness, it was brought back to life, Jason-like, by Donna Summer. This meant that in addition to the length factor and the cake factor, you suddenly had the disco factor. Oh NOOOOO...

In the interest of completeness, here's the Donna Summer version.

MacArthur Park goes disco!

Comrade Misfit said...

3383, you were warned.

Comrade Misfit said...

Sam, thanks for making that link clickable.

Usually disco ruined the base song. This was an exception. She truly was the Queen of Disco.