Words of Advice:

"If Something Seems To Be Too Good To Be True, It's Best To Shoot It, Just In Case." -- Fiona Glenanne

"Flying the Airplane is More Important than Radioing Your Plight
to a Person on the Ground Who is Incapable of Understanding or Doing Anything About It." -- Unknown

"Everything is easy if somebody else is the one doing it." -- Me

"What the hell is an `Aluminum Falcon'?" -- Emperor Palpatine

"Eck!" -- George the Cat

Saturday, October 29, 2011

No Braaiiiins; Walking Dead Edition

I have had it with "the Walking Dead."

Two weeks ago, they were all in the woods searching for a lost little girl. The hero, Rick Grimes, Shane, his cop partner (who was boning Rick's wife when they both thought that Rick was dead) and Rick's kid Carl had split off from the main group to double the chances of finding the girl. But the three of them saw a large buck in the woods. They stopped and Carl tried to sneak up on the buck, which is pretty stupid in and of itself as deers' hooves are sharp and bucks have horns.

While they're wasting time trying to fuck around with a deer instead of, you know, looking for the lost kid (which is what they're supposed to be doing), a hunter on the far side of the deer shot the deer. The bullet went through the deer and hit Carl.

So last week, the hunter, a somewhat fat good-ole-boy named Otis, told Rick and Shane that Otis is staying at a doctor's farm. (The doc is really a large-animal vet, but you can't be too choosey during a Zombie Apocalypse.) Rick ran ahead, carrying Carl, with Otis and Shane bringing up the rear. The doc told them that he needs to operate to get out all of the fragments (he can tell that there are six fragments without taking a X-ray) and that he needs advanced respiratory support stuff to do that. Otis, who is a paramedic and who knows what they need, and Shane went to a school that was a FEMA relief site to get the stuff. Rick stayed behind to give blood to his son.

Shane and Otis got to the school, where they saw the FEMA supply trailers, but there are a shitload of zombies milling around. There were some cop cars there, so Shane snuck out a bunch of flares. Otis and Shane lit the flares and threw them across the parking lot to divert the attention of the zombies. (I'm passing over the fact that the flares they were throwing were the 15-minute burn time flares that you can buy in a hardware store, not the 30-minute flares that every cop car carries in its trunk.)

While the zombies were gawking at the pretty burning flares, Otis and Shane snuck into the supply trailer to get what they need. They found what they needed.

Now comes the point that one might think a rational person might have considered beforehand: Once you gather up the stuff that you need, how the fuck are you going to get out of the trailers with all of those zombies milling around?

Evidently Shane and Otis aren't that smart. So as the episode ends, they are fleeing with a shitload of hungry zombies after them. As well they should, the morons.

I've written before about the stench of paternalism that envelops the show. That grates on me, especially since in the pilot episode, there was no hint of condemnation towards a guy whose wife became a zombie and he can't bring himself to shoot her. But one of the women, who can't be trusted by the menfolk with a gun, was strong enough to cap her sister when she reanimated as a zombie.

I'm done with the show. They can all be eaten by zombies as far as I'm concerned.


Nangleator said...

I recorded a SyFy stinkfest called Zombie Apocalypse on Saturday night, and deleted it after seeing the first couple minutes, just after the graphic overlay, "18 months later..."

I could have enjoyed such a movie, in an MST3K manner, but I was frustrated to once again miss the interesting parts of the story.

I want to see the start of a zombie apocalypse. I want to see people do smart things. I want to see a group of people that aren't always on their back foot.

We need a writer with a new vision, and people that will fund that writer.

Hey, Hollywood, when that writer hits one out of the park, you can rip that movie off for the next 30 years! Just imagine the lack of imagination!

Phil said...

My eyes arn't near as good as they were two years ago, which was shit but I'll be damned if I didn't see a little crotch shot there.

Thanks honey.