War on Christmas

You bet your ass. If there was really a war on Christmas, I'd be shoving flechette rounds into a 105mm howitzer as fast as possible.

It's not that I hate Christmas as a religious holiday. If folks want to celebrate the birth of their Junior God, that's fine with me. What I object to is the stifling commercialization of it all. This was driven home with a 16lb sledge yesterday when I went to the Post Office and got the mail.

By the way, why does the Post Office have signs up warning that carrying a weapon on their sacred property is a crime punishable by ten years in the slammer? When the term "going postal" entered the lexicon, it wasn't because the customers were shooting the postal workers, or vice versa. It was because the postal workers were shooting each other. So shouldn't those signs be at the employee entrance?

And anyway, what is the point of those idiotic workplace bans on weapons? What sort of moron is going to say to himself: "Oh, I can't bring a gun to work and shoot my fucking boss, they'll fire me for having a gun."

ZZEERRRRK. Right

In the mail was a flyer from the Honda dealer where I bought my last car. It was promoting a sale on Honda Accords as Christmas presents. I mean, how bloody commercial can we make a supposedly religious holiday if people are giving each other cars? And to be fair, it's not just Honda that's doing this, I've seen BMW ads along the same line. If you are giving someone a new Beemer for Christmas, I don't want to know about it. Or you, for that matter. Unless you're going to be giving me a new Beemer. In which case, I'd rather you gift me with about that much in airplane refurbishments. Forty grand for a Beemer would get me a pretty much totally refurbished airplane.

ZEERRK. {slap} Right.

Of all the things that I've heard Jesus stands for, ranging from "peace and love" to "killing our enemies", I must have missed the part that translated "God is love" to "God wants you to buy lots of useless crap for people who spend the other 364 days of the year either tolerating your presence or actively hating your guts."

Maybe it's a good thing that for one day of the year, we are nice to everyone else. To steal from Tom Lehrer: It's only for a day, so have no fear. Be grateful that it doesn't last all year.

But can we find a way to do it without the crass commercialization of it all?