I Think I'll Just Shave All of Their Asses

Do not read while eating!

As any cat owner knows, cats groom themselves. They tend to swallow all of the loose cat hair they remove. The hair often accumulates in their stomachs. Once a certain ratio of hair-to-stomach-volume is reached, the cat yocks up a hairball.

You can, of course, give them "hairball medicine" or a cat food that promotes the passing of cat hair. These work by somehow lubricating up the cat hair in the stomach so the cat then poops it out.

Which leads to another problem.

What happens is that the cat's digestive system is now pooping out thin cables of cat hair. The hairs connect one turd to its neighbor in the colon. The cat winds up pooping out a chain of turds.

The drawback is when one turd in the chain is connected to another turd that is not in the "ready to be pooped-out" position. In a worst-case situation, the cat is now walking around with a turd dangling from its ass.

If you are lucky, you can spot that, grab a tissue and detach the offending turd with a firm pull (which doesn't please the cat overly much).

If you are not lucky, the cat will jump up on your furniture and then sit down, which squishes the still-softish turd into both the fur on its ass and hind legs as well as into your furniture. All sorts of hilarity will then ensue was you try to clean the shit from your thoroughly pissed-off cat.

Which may lead you to conclude that hairballs were not such a bad thing, after all.