A former vice mayor exposed himself and masturbated in the direction of at least three different women while driving his car at 90mph, it emerged today.I am having a difficult time trying to imagine the physiological contortions required for him to drive his car at 90mph, hang his schlong out the window and masturbate, all without rolling his car into a ball.
The women testified against former Mount Carmel Vice-Mayor William Blakely in Tennessee court last week and all described in graphic detail how he would get their attention while they were driving and then hang his penis out the car window. ... Police believe that Blakely has been pulling the disturbing stunt for years as they have received dozens of complaints from different women about a man doing lewd acts on the road.
Now if he was driving a convertible and the victims of his lewd display were in SUVs or pickup trucks, then maybe it would be possible for them to have a clear line of sight to his lap. But hanging his whizzer out the window? The guy has to be either hung like a horse or have a dick that looks like a good length of garden hose.
His lawyer might want to go with an impossibility defense, though I don't know how that could be proven in open court. Maybe in chambers, but if I were the judge, I'd want to have the room steam-cleaned afterwards.
It just has to be a misquote of "in the window".
ReplyDeleteLike you say , "a convertible"? Even with cruise control, and his knees on the seat. Just not possible.
w3ski
Well, if he was in an infant's booster seat would it work? Only wondering. But no, I won't try it.
ReplyDeleteVery crankily yours,
The New York Crank
They'd need to have a 90+ MPH wind tunnel in those chambers, too. After all, how else could we judge if the forensic evidence was correct?
ReplyDelete