I don't regret the decision. She had a bad thyroid and arthritis. Jaw cancer just was the icing on a rather shitty cake for her. The photo above was taken a week or so after she had had blood drawn for some tests, as you can see where the vet tech had shaved her front leg.
My one real regret is that, when it came time, and after they had brought her into the examination room, wrapped in a blanket, I laid her on the table so the vet could put her down. Sure, I petted and scratched her as it was done. I told her how sorry I was, how this was for the best, that I didn't want to see her suffer any more, and that someday, I would see her again.
But I should have held her in my arms.
Gracie was a sweet girl. I'm thankful you gave her a dignified end, and I will do the same for my girls if I have to crawl through fire.
ReplyDeleteLord, but she was a beautiful creature!
ReplyDeleteGeez, you just made me cry. My Dog Murf had to be put down, and I have the same regret. I should have held him. We were unlucky and had a rookie vet who f#cked up the injection the first time. I went from wanting to strangle an idiot, to crying my eyes out.
ReplyDeleteL-43, I have regrets in my life. There are things that I've said to people that I shouldn't have. There are things that I haven't said to people that I should have. There are things that I've done or not done. There are job and career choices that I shouldn't have. Opportunities that I've passed by.
DeleteBut of all of them, if there was only one thing that I could take back and do differently, I would hold Gracie in my arms for that last time.
At 4 that morning, Gracie got on my bed and woke me up by purr-bombing me. I petted for for a few minutes, then told her that I had to go back to sleep. I didn't know that she had cancer, that she would be gone forever in less than six hours, or I would have stayed up and done whatever I could to make her happy. So I don't regret going back to sleep.
But damn, I should have held her. And a year on, I cannot begin to tell you how much that one decision has anguished me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Strikes close to home, as my eldest has to be approaching 16 ( stray ). He's whitened, thinned and gotten less frisky but is still fine. For now.
DeleteDon't feel bad about how she went. It sounds to me like you were there, giving comfort in spite of how much it must have hurt you. I read somewhere a vet saying that "most" people just leave the room. The pets always look around for them. So sad.
Comrade, I've thought about your post and my experience with this situation and I'm not sure holding her would have been better. I found that being able to ruffle the neck fur and reassure your cat face to face struck me as the best way to distract Bert from what was going on and gave the vet the best shot to do it right, first time, without a squirming bundle in someone's arms. It also let me clearly see how relieved Bert was to simply go to sleep and have the discomfort and pain go away.
ReplyDeleteMy regret was waiting too long to finally do it. We could have saved him a month of discomfort and poor quality of life, but didn't, simply because we didn't want to face the fact that his intestinal problems had finally gotten the best of him.
She had such beautiful eyes.
This is one case where regrets are something to not dwell on. However, like my
ReplyDeleteMing the one thing that stands out is she had a good life, and for many years
I put up with her peeing, insulin twice a day and trying to help the arthritis.
I was attached to that bundle of life. When it was her time nothing could have
changed that. It was long in coming, inevitiable. The vets words and the woman
that rescued her both said the samething. I'll give them to you.
She lived far longer and better because you did all you could rather than
just toss her aside. Its what you do when you love them.
Many of us get our pets because others didn't care or simply tossed them aside
in the most irresponsible way.
Life is uncertain, do the best always and know you did. And know, yesterday is
what it looked like then. You don't know what tomorrow will be. Now is the moment you control.
Eck!
I will say that some vets will not do the procedure if you are holding your pet because of the risk of jabbing the human instead. So even if you had made that choice, you may not have been able to do it. Sounds like you did everything right to me.
ReplyDeleteThe vet techs put in an IV port prior to her being put down. So I did have the option.
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